Upholding What Scripture Teaches on Homosexuality Is Loving, Part 3
But Will Seem Heartless to Some
In hosting and subsequently defending the Unconditional Conference for parents and their kids on homosexuality (see the video “I Love My Church” embedded at this page), Andy Stanley and his church have clearly become gay-affirming, even as Andy continues to claim he and his church are upholding biblical teachings. Against the backdrop of six truths about homosexuality we explored in part 1, we began to examine elements of Stanley’s dangerous departure from biblical teachings in part 2. Our sixth observation was that he effectively blames God for the plight and agony of those who continue to struggle with unwanted same-sex attraction (SSA) after they have prayed diligently and for a long time for God to take it away.
We said as well that he misses an opportunity to explain a likely reason God rarely will suddenly remove SSA from those who are praying desperately He will. Understanding the following realities is critical for anyone seeking to genuinely help people and families deal with this issue.
Remember that in part 1, we noted that homosexuality is harmful psychologically because
It insists that certain things be other than what they inherently and undeniably are — and here I am talking about the nature of human relationships as well as the physical realities that make sexual activity between members of the same sex obviously wrong. For example, the typical homosexual male has not successfully made the transition from boyhood to manhood. He doesn’t shoulder his masculinity comfortably or even awkwardly; instead, he eyes it with curiosity, for it is shrouded in mystery. Dr. Joseeph Nicoolosi was an expert on homosexuality and on therapy to overcome it. He wrote, “Repeatedly, researchers have found the classic triadic (three-way) relationship in the family backgrounds of homosexual men.…[W]e have the detached father, the overinvolved mother, and the temperamentally sensitive, emotionally attuned boy.“1
Thus, there is a real sense in which SSA and homosexual tendencies in a young person are symptoms. Removing symptoms doesn’t address the actual cause. God hurts for every young person experiencing SSA and not understanding why, and He yearns for each one to hear and receive the truth about his or her experience. Andy Stanley is not helping them discover the truth, nor are any Christians and churches who’ve bought into the lies that 1) homosexuals can’t change and that 2) all sexual orientation change therapy is harmful. Effective therapy under the direction of a skilled and competent counselor can be extremely helpful:
When we speak of pro-heterosexual counseling and therapy, we are not referring to efforts that have homosexual attractions and activity as their exclusive focus, even though the client’s ultimate goal certainly can be to move from homosexuality to heterosexuality. When a client has other objectives, no competent therapist ever will push the goal of heterosexuality on him or her. Yet when client and therapist agree that heterosexuality is the [or a] goal, counseling efforts that achieve it, or that help a client move toward it, focus primarily on the underlying causes of same-sex attraction. These causes often involve deep emotional wounds. When the wounds are addressed, healing occurs over time, and homosexual attraction automatically tends to diminish, often with a corresponding increase in heterosexual attraction. It is in this sense that such counseling is pro-heterosexual. Another important point: Effective counseling never, ever shames or coerces a client.
Thankfully, there still are a lot of churches that haven’t gone overboard in lockstep with Andy Stanley; but it nevertheless remains a problem that in many evangelical houses of worship, church leaders and their parishioners have too quickly and too thoroughly accepted the cultural narrative, or at least been influenced by it. We must better educate ourselves and promote an accurate and effective counter-narrative that aligns with Scripture!
Seventh, Andy treats homosexuality as an identity. In the next clip, Stanley says, “I bet you’ve never felt shame about who you are” (emphasis added). In an article released by Focus on the Family, Jeff Johnston writes, “Over time, the definition of homosexuality has shifted from being a behavior to a condition to an identity. In the Bible, for example, the focus is on the behavior. Scripture says don’t engage in this activity.” Christians “don’t want to define people by their attractions or struggle.” Yet, generally speaking, the church has accepted cultural talking points and failed to present a strong biblical counter-narrative.
Another significant point — our eighth — is that Andy Stanley apparently sees no value in shame — but the Scripture does. Yes, there is a vicious form of shame that Satan uses against Christians — but there also is a legitimate form of it God uses to convict.2,3
Ninth, Stanley says he and his church believe what the New Testament teaches about homosexuality, but we sense from him urgency or indication of any effort to warn of sin’s consequences. Instead, he says the warnings don’t work.
Of course, there are ways to warn and ways not to warn; and yes, it is important for parents and other concerned parties to maintain relationships to the degree that they can. However, to fail to warn is to abandon one’s responsibility before God and before the person who insists on living in rebellion against Him. Needed warnings may not bear immediate fruit but can produce positive results long-term. Hear former homosexual Joe Dallas address the matter of the church’s responsibility to share the truth:
Tenth, Stanley declares he and his church believe marriage is between one man and one woman, and he even claims that “we talk about and teach about marriage the same way Jesus and the apostles do,” referencing or assuming “a husband and a wife, a man [and] a woman.” Yet only a few sentences later Pastor Stanley appears to equate same-sex marriage with natural marriage, and homosexuality with heterosexuality.
Eleventh, note how his use of the phrase “not sustainable” flagrantly denies the truth that with God’s help, no temptation is irresistible.
Twelfth, despite all the Bible passages that teach that a homosexual lifestyle and an ongoing commitment to Christ are incompatible, Andy Stanley quite clearly believes these indeed are compatible.4
How Has the Cultural Narrative Influenced Us?
Let’s review what we’ve discussed in this series. In part 1 we presented six key principles that we need to understand as we — individual Christians and the church — respond to the myths and lies around us regarding homosexuality. In part 2 and in this article we highlighted twelve errors Andy Stanley has made and is making on this issue. Our list is not exhaustive, and, unfortunately, Andy is not alone.
In light of our discussion, can you think of ways you can help counter popular errors with the truth? A first step is to be available to the Lord to help people understand better what the Bible teaches and how the church is departing from those tenets. Share this series with others.
Also, be aware that we at ewtcnews.com are committed to doing all we can to equip our readers to recognize and combat false teachings with the truth.
Keep reading and watching!
Notes:
1Joseph Nicolosi, Ph.D., and Linda Ames Nicolosi, A Parent’s Guide to Preventing Homosexuality, (Downers Grove, IL: InterVarsity Press, 2002), 71–72.
2See Tim Bayly, Joseph Bayly, Jürgen von Hager, The Grace of Shame: 7 Ways the Church Has Failed to Love Homosexuals (Warhorn Media: Bloomington, Indiana), 2017.
3Earlier we said that effective counseling to address SSA never shames a client. The kind of shame we were speaking of there is the harmful kind that assaults a person’s inherent worth, not the legitimate kind that brings about needed conviction.
4Here is a portion of what Stanley says in the clip:
These guys [Justin and Brian, the two men (each of whom is “married” to another man and who spoke at the Unconditional Conference)] are so excited about what we are doing, because they, like you, like me, like compassionate Christians don’t want another generation of LGBTQ+ kids to fell like, Hey, who I think I am is incompatible with at least attempting to follow Jesus, and it’s incompatible with the church. Because there is a bridge, and these guys are bridge builders.
